Breyers Chocolate Ice Cream Taunts Me

Psst! In the freezer!  It's me, your summer excuse for being fat!  Get your ass off the sofa, and take me in your mouth.  Don't forget the whipped cream and sprinkles, because this is a special occasion - otherwise known as "Tuesday".

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My South Beach Diet Book Taunts Me

Oh, it's you again.  Let me guess what's going to happen.  You're going to dust me off, crack me open and fall in love with me all over again.  You'll  tell your imaginary Facebook friends, "I'm going to lose 30lbs!  I'm gonna be so hot for summer!  Just you wait."

Please.  We've been down this road before, tubby.  You'll go to the grocery store, stock up on all the essentials and stuff the fridge with meat, cheese, nuts - everything in Phase 1.

Then, a few days into it, you'll spot a stale danish from some leftover meeting at work and it will all be over quicker than you can say, "I'll have a sesame bagel with extra cream cheese please."